I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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