would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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