I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
