you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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