As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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