i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
