I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
