I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
