Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
