So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Actions speak louder than pants.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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