remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My life is pants optional.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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