I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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