Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
third nipple confirmed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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