Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if you like me you must not know who I am
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
