I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
