In the future we'll all be gay
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
