A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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