she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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