Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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