Well apparently he's into motor boating.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
