You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
