meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
