can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
