Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
