We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just high enough for therapy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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