So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
