Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so much tequila, so little girl.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
