He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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