god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
