i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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