3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
