Already got asked if we're dating
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
