So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
A+ Viking dick
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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