the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
