I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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