Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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