Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
