I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
