i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
