when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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