my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
