I skipped work to stalk him.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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