Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
