Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
