i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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