wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
