I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
