I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
