my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
