it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
