i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How external is "for external use only"?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
