Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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