Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
id be glad to
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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