My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
