Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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