i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
