I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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