When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
