Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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