you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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